I can feel it all around me...

Recently it has became more apparent of a change that has been taking place within me. And I am very grateful for this change, I hope it continues to grow. It is something that has always been with me, or it has always been one of those things that is with me from a distance, if you know what I mean?

I'll be more specific. Basically, I can feel myself returning to nature, maybe it is the spring, maybe it isn't. I am not sure. But I can definitely feel myself turning into it. I stop just to take in the beauty of nature, be that walking more slowly, noting the little things around or just admiring the colours of the leaves. I have always loved animals and to some extent plants. Nevertheless, there was always the segregation in my mind. There is me. There is nature. The two of us exist, I guess to even go as far as coexist... But now, I feel it is as though we are merging into one being. Yeah, I know how this sounds, like I am pagan or a hippy, or whatever, but in all honesty I'd rather have this realisation to what is around and learn to get what I need from plants and seasons then feel I need to answer to a higher power than nature itself or go through my life ignorant and unaware. Of course, if you fall into the other two categories, I do not judge, especially if you are happy with who you are and where you are mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. I think this now is, my spiritual journey. 

A path, where does it lead?

A cute little lake in the Botanical Gardens in Lund

Leaves!!

So if we actually call this my spiritual journey, maybe I should try and pinpoint a start? Last Easter, not the one that just happened, the one in 2013, I went through a bad patch. And it took the best part of a month to come out of it and in part of that 'leaving the negativity' I looked into paganism, yeah I know what I said earlier, and I found what it said to me very interesting. There are multiple forms of paganism and wicca... The lines are often blurred and confused, so I won't go into it in crazy amounts of detail because I do not know enough. Not in the slightest. But there are three main principles that apply to apparently all of these different forms of paganism; these are:

1. Love for and Kinship with Nature. Reverence for the life force and its ever-renewing cycles of life and death.
2. A Positive morality, in which the individual is responsible for the discovery and development of their true nature in harmony with the outer world and community. This is often expressed as: 'Do what you will, as long as it harms none.'
3. Recognition of the Divine, which transcends gender, acknowledging both the female and male aspects of Deity.

 Source: 'What is Paganism?' leaflet, The Pagan Federation, 2000. Though I collected from here.

The small stone circle near one of the university buildings. My aim before I leave is to do yoga in the circle and give my respect to the five elements: fire, water, earth, air & spirit.

It was nothing more than a brief look into paganism, as the bad patch was pushed to one side and thus paganism as an idea was almost pretty much forgotten. (It turned again a few months later and lasted a long time... I can still feel remnants of it now). Back to nature talk! Last summer, I went travelling around the UK. We hit the natural parks & Stonehenge, the latter was something I hadn't done, and thought I should because, well, I hadn't been before and I still wanted to reconnect with the Earth. The nature parks weren't so much my idea, which is something I really want to talk about.

Sports and fitness have never been my forte. I can be clumsy and awkward. So going walking is fine, I enjoy walking, but I always disliked going up hills and due to being a little unstable I worry falling, slipping or just generally turning myself on the  muddy, rocky areas that these kinds of places have. Regardless, my fear of falling or walking up these steep hills is fading. I know my fitness level is improving, slowly, but still improving. I know that with a good pair of shoes I should be fine. I am learning, that if I am careful, even if I fall I'll be fine. And I think this is the main breakthrough with my spirituality.

Here! Post-gym pic... *cringe*

How you may be asking yourself? What have you been doing? And the answer to that is not yoga! However much I love yoga I stopped doing it for a long time, and my more weedy arms couldn't really stand the full session so I realised I needed to do some other things. I need to work on my strength and do cardio, so I started spinning. I also eat healthy now. I am definitely improving who I am that way. And thus, it makes accessing nature more accessible, which of course is an achievement!

There is more though! I have developed an appreciate for rain. I've lived in Sweden for around the last nine months, and though I am in Southern Sweden, which the natives let me it is very wet and rainy down here *lies*, I have missed the rain. I was walking back from the gym a few days ago. The rain was pouring, probably one of the heaviest showers we have had here, and it lasted ages. I only had a light hoodie on, with three quarter length sleeves. I was dripping. But it was nice. To feel the rain. I think the worse thing about it is that my trainers have a hole and all my winter/autumn stuff I took home (UK) at the start of May. But it was nice to hear the rain, to feel it again on my skin, to come inside, boil the kettle, have some tea, shower and just be in the warmth. Still able to hear it, to see it.

Not Grizedale... But in my hometown is somewhere in Lancashire.
Look at that! 18days in November, December & January. [1]

Not Copenhagen, but Southern Sweden is pretty much Denmark, so okay.
Look! The lowest is 9days... we get more than that in MAY! [2]

So if you look at the Northwest of the UK, you will see, much wetter than Southern Sweden.[3]

I never thought rain would be something that I would miss, but apparently the Brit in me has learnt to like it haha! I guess this should have happened sooner, I have some fond memories of rainfall, be that inside or outside. Plus! When I was in nursery, 3 years of age, my favourite instrument was the rain maker, that said, I also loved the May Day festival where we had a May King & Queen and Maypole Dancing... 

This is just the start of this journey of self discovery. It feels like it has always been there, with hindsight little hints shine through. But now I am awakening it. What fun! Nature, you truly are all around me.